Sunday, April 5, 2015

My time is my time

In my last post, I mentioned that one of the things I've gotten into lately, is dating.

My husband and I have split, and now I'm starting to "get out there" again.

My feelings about dating are beyond mixed - 1) it's really nice to be fawned over, 2) I don't like that dating can be such an emotional roller coaster, and 3) I absolutely hate being single some days.

Through dating over the past couple months, I've identified several new character traits that I either love or detest in a man. I'll get into the details of that in the future.

I've also learned that being single is exactly what I need at this point in my life for several reasons. In my last post, I listed several activities in which I'm involved, and mentioned wanting to get involved in a few more. One reason I need to stay single for at least a couple months (uh-oh!) is that I literally don't have time to date.

A major problem with the last couple guys I dated, was that they felt I didn't have enough time to devote to them. My evenings are spent cooking dinner, and preparing my daughter for bed. My weekends are normally spent taking my daughter to the library and to local culturally-enriching activities, and preparing for the week ahead. Of course that leaves weekday evenings, after little one's bedtime at 7:30p, for dates and such, but that isn't always sufficient for the fellas.

It's flattering that the guys want to spend as much time with me as possible, I mean I am pretty awesome. I just don't think the previous suitors were prepared to accept just how low that "as much time as possible" was. Time spent with my daughter is non-negotiable.

Considering 2 of the guys I dated were divorced with children, I anticipated they'd be understanding of my need to spend time with my daughter, but that wasn't the case. Sadly, the last guy's inability to empathize with my need for mommy-daughter time reflected his own failure to invest time and interest into his own son.

[To provide some context, he was divorced with joint custody of his sons, who spent most of their time with either him or his parents. His ex-wife (and her fiancé) and parents lived in close proximity to him, which was in the town in which he grew up. Therefore, several family members were "involved" in raising his 2 sons. His ex-wife commonly took their 2 sons to his parents' home on her weekends. From my perspective, consistently choosing not to spend time with your children when you have the opportunity sends a negative message to the children - one that they pick up on over time.]

Questions about his son's schooling and extracurricular activities revealed his disinterest in these topics. On the surface, he seemed to be a good father, especially since he spent several thousand dollars in legal fees to secure joint custody of his 2 sons. I can't claim he isn't a good father, maybe he is, but it's certainly sad to see a father care so little about his son's schooling, interests, and overall life.

Despite all that, at this point, my concern is for his sons. His elder son, the only 1 of the 2 I met, seemed emotionally troubled. Something about the 14 year-old was unsettling. I intend on keeping the young man in my prayers, in hopes that he gets the emotional support, encouragement, and time investment every child needs and deserves.

Anywho, that story chapter has ended. On to the next!

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His Awesome Splendor

His Awesome Splendor
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