My time is my time

In my last post, I mentioned that one of the things I've gotten into lately, is dating.

My husband and I have split, and now I'm starting to "get out there" again.

My feelings about dating are beyond mixed - 1) it's really nice to be fawned over, 2) I don't like that dating can be such an emotional roller coaster, and 3) I absolutely hate being single some days.

Through dating over the past couple months, I've identified several new character traits that I either love or detest in a man. I'll get into the details of that in the future.

I've also learned that being single is exactly what I need at this point in my life for several reasons. In my last post, I listed several activities in which I'm involved, and mentioned wanting to get involved in a few more. One reason I need to stay single for at least a couple months (uh-oh!) is that I literally don't have time to date.

A major problem with the last couple guys I dated, was that they felt I didn't have enough time to devote to them. My evenings are spent cooking dinner, and preparing my daughter for bed. My weekends are normally spent taking my daughter to the library and to local culturally-enriching activities, and preparing for the week ahead. Of course that leaves weekday evenings, after little one's bedtime at 7:30p, for dates and such, but that isn't always sufficient for the fellas.

It's flattering that the guys want to spend as much time with me as possible, I mean I am pretty awesome. I just don't think the previous suitors were prepared to accept just how low that "as much time as possible" was. Time spent with my daughter is non-negotiable.

Considering 2 of the guys I dated were divorced with children, I anticipated they'd be understanding of my need to spend time with my daughter, but that wasn't the case. Sadly, the last guy's inability to empathize with my need for mommy-daughter time reflected his own failure to invest time and interest into his own son.

[To provide some context, he was divorced with joint custody of his sons, who spent most of their time with either him or his parents. His ex-wife (and her fiancé) and parents lived in close proximity to him, which was in the town in which he grew up. Therefore, several family members were "involved" in raising his 2 sons. His ex-wife commonly took their 2 sons to his parents' home on her weekends. From my perspective, consistently choosing not to spend time with your children when you have the opportunity sends a negative message to the children - one that they pick up on over time.]

Questions about his son's schooling and extracurricular activities revealed his disinterest in these topics. On the surface, he seemed to be a good father, especially since he spent several thousand dollars in legal fees to secure joint custody of his 2 sons. I can't claim he isn't a good father, maybe he is, but it's certainly sad to see a father care so little about his son's schooling, interests, and overall life.

Despite all that, at this point, my concern is for his sons. His elder son, the only 1 of the 2 I met, seemed emotionally troubled. Something about the 14 year-old was unsettling. I intend on keeping the young man in my prayers, in hopes that he gets the emotional support, encouragement, and time investment every child needs and deserves.

Anywho, that story chapter has ended. On to the next!

The Return

It's been several years since I last posted to this blog, and so much has happened in that time frame. I'll start from today, and fill in details of the past as needed.

In light of several recent events, I find it necessary to vent in the form of writing, so here goes...

Currently, I'm in school earning my doctorate, going through a separation, dating, raising a toddler, planning several research symposia, and chairing a social committee for students. As if all that isn't enough, I'm still trying to get involved in a few other activities.

Crazy, I know! I've found that I LOVE contributing to big projects. As part of that, I enjoy working with peers to accomplish tasks, I enjoy working with companies and institutions to host events, and I enjoy being very busy. I'm happiest when I'm doing several things simultaneously.

Anywho, let's start with school.

Earning my doctorate has been an extremely enriching experience. I've grown a lot academically, of course, but I've also evolved in several other areas of my life. I've learned to identify my wants and needs, and I've developed the capacity to distinguish the two. I've also developed the skills to communicate those desires and needs in a way that establishes my unwillingness to waver. These are invaluable skills that I desperately needed, and am glad to now have.

I've also learned to not take everything personally. This one is HUGE for me, because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Therefore, any small criticism would offend me and cause me to experience a deluge of emotions that I could barely control. [Sidenote: I've never been a fan of showing emotions. I'll discuss more on that in time.] Now I'm able to accept criticism, constructive or not, selectively. From there, I can decide whether, when, and how to apply the criticism.

What else have I learned from graduate school...

I've learned how to work with people at several different levels. As I've mentioned, one of the things I'm involved in, is chairing a committee of students that works with faculty and staff to develop activities that improve the camaraderie among graduate students, and provide settings for students to relax and decompress. Relaxing can be an extremely difficult task in graduate school, as there are always numerous pressures testing the existence of peace. The purpose of the committee I chair, is to organize activities in which students can clear their minds (as much as possible) and enjoy some fellowship, free food, and fun.

This is committee is one that I'm very excited to run, and I look forward to future activities we'll plan for the students. I also look forward to including it on my curriculum vitae and explain to a potential employer one day. I have had the unique opportunity to head a group of students while communicating with administration to get things accomplished. I thoroughly enjoy every aspect of this position I hold, and hope that students learn to appreciate the time and energy that's been devoted to executing these activities.

Graduate school has also helped me develop several friendships that are very dear to me. I've been very very fortunate to meet some truly incredible, bright, kind-hearted people, that I look forward to knowing throughout my lifetime. These people provide advice, kind words, shoulders to lean on, constructive criticism, and whatever else I might need.

I'm one of the weirdos who values people over money, so having met people like this in graduate school is something I wouldn't trade for anything. I truly value the amazing people in my life. Maybe in one of my next few posts, I'll tell you about the amazing people in my life.

The awesome thing about knowing dependable people who love you and would do absolutely anything for you without a second thought, is that it teaches you how to be that for other people. I feel a little sad to know that there are people who don't have that type of friend. It makes all the difference. It really does.