Friday, May 22, 2009


How do I ask for help?

Growing up, our family traversed some pretty rough terrain. I won't go into the details of what obstacles constituted that rough terrain, but I will say that depending on others was the only way we survived. From depending on friends to babysit me and my older sibling, while my mother worked several part-time jobs, to depending on family to lend us money, appliances, and anything else we didn't have.

There was also a certain mindset that clouded our home, but I didn't realize the effects of it until recently. It is a lot like pollution. No one can really "see" the effects of pollution as the pollutants are clouding our skies, but scientists know and relay to layman that these pollutants are eating away our ozone layer and contributing to global warming.

Back to the help thing....

Now that I am an adult with a full-time job, I avoid asking for help at all costs. Even having others offer to help me in common situations makes me feel somewhat defensive and vulnerable as I tell myself (even when it's not true) "I can do it on my own!"

I want to learn how to ask for help. I want to learn how to communicate my need for assistance or prayer to friends and family members. I want to be able to accept that help knowing everyone needs a boost at one point or another. I also want to be able to accept help even if no one else in the entire world ever needs help. I am not like everyone else. I am not like anyone else. There are times when I need help, but that is much more easily typed than spoken. Lol.

I am trying to be independent in a situation and under circumstances that completely merit me occasionally accepting a little aid. Independence is very important to me because growing up, we never could claim independence. There was always someone somewhere we owed. That is not a great feeling, but that is the way it was.

Was is the key word. Right now, I don't owe any person any thing (accept Verizon, because I just remembered I haven't paid my bill this month :). Just as I am more than willing to help others in ANY way I possibly can, I have to be at least a little willing to ask for help when I need help.

Right now, I pray that God helps me to request and accept help whenever I really need it. Even if people think I am some type of loser/moocher/lazy bum for asking for help ONCE, that is okay. I have no control over what others think of me.


Friday, May 15, 2009

Just for Me

I believe God made the sky just for us.

I believe he made it a soft hue of ice blue in the morning
and radiant shades of orange, red, and purple in the evening just for us.

I believe that God painted these awesome masterpieces for his creation to enjoy and appreciate.

I believe He painted the sky to remind us that His presence is everywhere, that He cares - even about the smallest details - and to make us open our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us.

Yesterday I was completely exhausted. As I was out running errands, I was able to take a few seconds to look up at the sky. This glance birthed a conversation with God, and made me completely forget how tired I was.

Turns out, we had quite a bit to talk about as there are quite a few things going on in my life right now about which I NEED His direction.

It just felt so incomparably amazing to just express to Him the splendor of His creation, and pour out my heart to Him.

I believe that God caused me to look up at the clouds as a way of reminding me that we needed to talk.

I believe that the specific area of sky that froze my thoughts and arrested my undivided attention, was painted just for me.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Walking on Wonder

Sometimes I wonder.

Sometimes I wonder about so many things: my thinking, my relationships, my friendships, my past, my future, my heart, my decisions...

There are so many things of which I am not sure. So many things outside of me that are left for me to decide.

It makes me wonder if I'm ever really doing the "right" thing. Am I ever really using the "right" words? Am I ever really making the "right" decision? Am I ever really doing anything "right"? Am I really actually following God? If so, I wonder where He is leading me (giggle, because I know He is leading me somewhere awesome and special).

Whenever I wonder these things, I just have to calmly remind myself that I have placed my life in His hands. I gave Him full control, and I have to "let it ride." I have to let Him handle things as He promised me He would.

One thing I wonder more than anything will I know? How will I know that what I am saying or doing is right? How will I know which man is worthy of having me in his arms for a lifetime? How will I know which young man has been seeking God for a woman of God, which man has been seeking His face for the mate that fits him like his favorite sweats? How will I know which guy will fully appreciate my big heart full of love, my willingness to serve, my love of serving, my desire to always wear a t-shirt and sweatpants, my enjoyment of Bryer's ice cream and Ruffles chips, my decision to avoid buying too much stuff because I don't want to get obsessed with possessions, my desire to adopt children regardless of whether I can have my own, my care for the people who love, hate, like, dislike, and are apathetic towards me, and my unique personality.

It is not that I don't trust Him; it is just that sometimes my mind inevitably drifts to these things, that's all.

I just wonder this sometimes. Not all the time, because thinking can be time-consuming and exhausting. It can also distract one from his/her work (:o) - can't have that! Lol!

Do you ever wonder about things?? I'm not trying to be nosey or cast doubts, I am interested in knowing what consumes your thoughts.

I pray you have a blessed week!!!! : )

His Awesome Splendor

His Awesome Splendor
Upon seeing this view, I knew I had to capture it.

My Fave...

My Fave...