Missing You

I was walking earlier, and I thought about calling to talk with you.
A smile softened my face at the thought of speaking to you.
Then I remembered...
You're not at the house sitting in "your chair" watching every version of the news broadcasted.
You're not in the garden watering your plants.
You're not at Smitty's getting a can of snuff, a pack of nabs, and a coke.

I know that it's been months upon months since you've been able to do those things, but obviously my mind took me to the before.
My mind took a journey to the "good ole days" when you were still laughing.

You always told me exactly what was on your mind, and you always gave me such great advice.
I cherish your advice.
I'll never forget those conversations we had about how well 'he' took care of you.

But now, you're unreachable.
You're in a place where phone calls, tight hugs, and big kisses can't reach you.
That somewhat saddens my heart, because I know that you loved those things. I know that you're fine now.
I know that where you are at this very moment, you are just fine.

I love you always always.

Every now and then

Every now and then (at times beyond my choosing) my mind drifts back to people who were formerly near and dear to my heart. Right away, those thoughts warm my heart, and bring a sadness that things aren’t the way they “used to be”. Yes, we all have to move on. We have to pick up ourselves, so that we can create new memories and new moments which we will one day in the future look back upon. Honestly, I sometimes wish I could live completely in the past. I don’t mean getting a second chance at certain opportunities, and events. I literally mean living in a memory; or maybe even jumping from great memory to great memory, without all the in-betweens. There are people with whom I wish I could spend a lifetime instead of a moment or even a day. I’m just thankful that God has blessed us to accept the fact that people come and go.

Very rarely, I have the urge to blurt out “You are an amazing, intelligent person, who has truly mastered the ability to show your intelligence without belittling those around you. Simply being near you has been inspiring in so many ways, and I just wish you could be present to positively influence my life forever.” Or “I know that we’ve had our disagreements. I know that I am far from truly grasping what a friend really is, and I understand that I’ve made innumerable mistakes thus far, but if only you could stay in my life so that I could learn how to be a better person and a better friend. It may be a risk for you to continue to be around me - you, being the amazing friend and person that you are - but am I not worth that risk?”