Thank God it's Monday!

I woke up this morning feeling amazing.
I can't even begin to describe the peace that I felt.
I opened the blinds and let the sun warm my face, I turned on my stereo, and jammed a little, I even had some breakfast.
I never cook and eat breakfast at home before heading to work.
This morning was really just so amazing.
All credit is due to my awesome Lord.
Yesterday, between movies, I managed to get down on my knees - head to the floor - and tell God 'thank you'.
I thanked Him for all that I have, and for where He has brought me.
I was watching a sappy movie about how big a difference a great man can make in one's life.
That encouraged me to thank Him for my boyfriend.
The man that God has placed in my life is amazing.
There is no man like him, and I truly believe that God made this man JUST for me.
We haven't known each other long, but I feel like we've been best friends for a lifetime.
We have so much fun when we're together.
Anyway, I'll use another post to go on and on about my boyfriend.
This post is for voicing my gratitude for the love and grace of God.
I truly am thankful.
Because of the goodness of God and the peace that He gives,
this just might be my best Monday-morning-before-work EVER!!

I hope that you all have wonderfully blessed Mondays and wonderfully blessed weeks!!

Mwah! :)

Missing You

I was walking earlier, and I thought about calling to talk with you.
A smile softened my face at the thought of speaking to you.
Then I remembered...
You're not at the house sitting in "your chair" watching every version of the news broadcasted.
You're not in the garden watering your plants.
You're not at Smitty's getting a can of snuff, a pack of nabs, and a coke.

I know that it's been months upon months since you've been able to do those things, but obviously my mind took me to the before.
My mind took a journey to the "good ole days" when you were still laughing.

You always told me exactly what was on your mind, and you always gave me such great advice.
I cherish your advice.
I'll never forget those conversations we had about how well 'he' took care of you.

But now, you're unreachable.
You're in a place where phone calls, tight hugs, and big kisses can't reach you.
That somewhat saddens my heart, because I know that you loved those things. I know that you're fine now.
I know that where you are at this very moment, you are just fine.

I love you always always.

Every now and then

Every now and then (at times beyond my choosing) my mind drifts back to people who were formerly near and dear to my heart. Right away, those thoughts warm my heart, and bring a sadness that things aren’t the way they “used to be”. Yes, we all have to move on. We have to pick up ourselves, so that we can create new memories and new moments which we will one day in the future look back upon. Honestly, I sometimes wish I could live completely in the past. I don’t mean getting a second chance at certain opportunities, and events. I literally mean living in a memory; or maybe even jumping from great memory to great memory, without all the in-betweens. There are people with whom I wish I could spend a lifetime instead of a moment or even a day. I’m just thankful that God has blessed us to accept the fact that people come and go.

Very rarely, I have the urge to blurt out “You are an amazing, intelligent person, who has truly mastered the ability to show your intelligence without belittling those around you. Simply being near you has been inspiring in so many ways, and I just wish you could be present to positively influence my life forever.” Or “I know that we’ve had our disagreements. I know that I am far from truly grasping what a friend really is, and I understand that I’ve made innumerable mistakes thus far, but if only you could stay in my life so that I could learn how to be a better person and a better friend. It may be a risk for you to continue to be around me - you, being the amazing friend and person that you are - but am I not worth that risk?”

A hiatus with a little procrastination on the side

I haven't blogged in quite a while....everything's been great...work has just been pretty busy lately.

Just a quick update:
Mommy's doing well - just got engaged. << She's hilarious too! I never realized that growing up.
Brother's doing great - vacationing more than working; I love my bwother :)
The rest of the fam is alright.
The beau is AMAZING - I'll share more about the young man at a later time.
Dog is 'making it' - He is only 'making it' because he's still at a shelter somewhere wishing he were mine...I want a dog!!!
The hair is cooperating - it's growing like a weed on hormones; so outta control!

So yeah, everything's groovey.

I'll be writing a 'real' blog soon though.

Later gators!! : )

H-E-L-P

How do I ask for help?

Growing up, our family traversed some pretty rough terrain. I won't go into the details of what obstacles constituted that rough terrain, but I will say that depending on others was the only way we survived. From depending on friends to babysit me and my older sibling, while my mother worked several part-time jobs, to depending on family to lend us money, appliances, and anything else we didn't have.

There was also a certain mindset that clouded our home, but I didn't realize the effects of it until recently. It is a lot like pollution. No one can really "see" the effects of pollution as the pollutants are clouding our skies, but scientists know and relay to layman that these pollutants are eating away our ozone layer and contributing to global warming.

Back to the help thing....

Now that I am an adult with a full-time job, I avoid asking for help at all costs. Even having others offer to help me in common situations makes me feel somewhat defensive and vulnerable as I tell myself (even when it's not true) "I can do it on my own!"

I want to learn how to ask for help. I want to learn how to communicate my need for assistance or prayer to friends and family members. I want to be able to accept that help knowing everyone needs a boost at one point or another. I also want to be able to accept help even if no one else in the entire world ever needs help. I am not like everyone else. I am not like anyone else. There are times when I need help, but that is much more easily typed than spoken. Lol.

I am trying to be independent in a situation and under circumstances that completely merit me occasionally accepting a little aid. Independence is very important to me because growing up, we never could claim independence. There was always someone somewhere we owed. That is not a great feeling, but that is the way it was.

Was is the key word. Right now, I don't owe any person any thing (accept Verizon, because I just remembered I haven't paid my bill this month :). Just as I am more than willing to help others in ANY way I possibly can, I have to be at least a little willing to ask for help when I need help.

Right now, I pray that God helps me to request and accept help whenever I really need it. Even if people think I am some type of loser/moocher/lazy bum for asking for help ONCE, that is okay. I have no control over what others think of me.

<3

Just for Me

I believe God made the sky just for us.

I believe he made it a soft hue of ice blue in the morning
and radiant shades of orange, red, and purple in the evening just for us.

I believe that God painted these awesome masterpieces for his creation to enjoy and appreciate.

I believe He painted the sky to remind us that His presence is everywhere, that He cares - even about the smallest details - and to make us open our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us.

Yesterday I was completely exhausted. As I was out running errands, I was able to take a few seconds to look up at the sky. This glance birthed a conversation with God, and made me completely forget how tired I was.

Turns out, we had quite a bit to talk about as there are quite a few things going on in my life right now about which I NEED His direction.

It just felt so incomparably amazing to just express to Him the splendor of His creation, and pour out my heart to Him.

I believe that God caused me to look up at the clouds as a way of reminding me that we needed to talk.

I believe that the specific area of sky that froze my thoughts and arrested my undivided attention, was painted just for me.

Walking on Wonder

Sometimes I wonder.

Sometimes I wonder about so many things: my thinking, my relationships, my friendships, my past, my future, my heart, my decisions...

There are so many things of which I am not sure. So many things outside of me that are left for me to decide.

It makes me wonder if I'm ever really doing the "right" thing. Am I ever really using the "right" words? Am I ever really making the "right" decision? Am I ever really doing anything "right"? Am I really actually following God? If so, I wonder where He is leading me (giggle, because I know He is leading me somewhere awesome and special).

Whenever I wonder these things, I just have to calmly remind myself that I have placed my life in His hands. I gave Him full control, and I have to "let it ride." I have to let Him handle things as He promised me He would.

One thing I wonder more than anything else....how will I know? How will I know that what I am saying or doing is right? How will I know which man is worthy of having me in his arms for a lifetime? How will I know which young man has been seeking God for a woman of God, which man has been seeking His face for the mate that fits him like his favorite sweats? How will I know which guy will fully appreciate my big heart full of love, my willingness to serve, my love of serving, my desire to always wear a t-shirt and sweatpants, my enjoyment of Bryer's ice cream and Ruffles chips, my decision to avoid buying too much stuff because I don't want to get obsessed with possessions, my desire to adopt children regardless of whether I can have my own, my care for the people who love, hate, like, dislike, and are apathetic towards me, and my unique personality.

It is not that I don't trust Him; it is just that sometimes my mind inevitably drifts to these things, that's all.

I just wonder this sometimes. Not all the time, because thinking can be time-consuming and exhausting. It can also distract one from his/her work (:o) - can't have that! Lol!

Do you ever wonder about things?? I'm not trying to be nosey or cast doubts, I am interested in knowing what consumes your thoughts.

I pray you have a blessed week!!!! : )