Learning to Put Me First

Love.

I've been thinking a lot lately about love.

I've especially been thinking of how important it is for me to love myself unconditionally.

One important part of my recent journey is learning how to love me and accept me.

I huge part of that is accepting how awesome I am.

I've been in conversations with a friend about how we've been trained to very easily believe the negative things - including what society says, what our critics say, what the media says, what our cultures say. We were trained to accept and believe it all as our own truths.

However, I've decided to define my own truth. This is a concept I learned from Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements.

He presents some really profound concepts about our reality. I won't get into those four agreements now (they're on youtube), but I will discuss his concepts as they apply to my current line of thought.

Don Ruiz talks about how we can choose to define our own truths.

Example: The sky is blue. We all accept that the sky is blue on most clear, sunny days. However, what is blue? Blue is defined by unanimous agreement to be composed of certain hues and saturations of color as they are perceived by each individual. We all have pretty much agreed on what defines "blue", as this was one of the very first things we learned in school. I don't have a reason to debate what shades and reflections of light define the color blue, so I don't. I accept what's commonly considered blue, as blue.

Now, if we apply this principle to something more important, this principle gets more interesting and more important.

Society tells me that I'm a certain gender, a certain color, a certain social status. Society, therefore implies certain things about me based on those observable features. However, there are several important factors to consider regarding this phenomena. (1) Society is made up of individuals who all have their own perspectives. These perspectives were shaped by their experiences, especially experiences that occurred during one's upbringing. Therefore, these pre-formed, ingrained perspectives are completely independent of me. (2) Society knows nothing about what makes me, me. Society only knows what it assumes about me based on superficial features, which there aren't very many. (3) I shouldn't invest energy, time, or even thought into modifying myself base on what I assume individuals, groups, or societies think of me. That's ludicrous.

Based on all this, I get the great honor of deciding who I am, and how I interact with the people and things in this world.

I love me and I love people, but generally, people don't give a shit about me. They don't give a shit about you either. Accepting that concept, and embracing that concept has been so liberating for me.

In loving me, I've accepted the fact that I'm only my own highest priority, no one else's. I'm no one else's highest priority. You're no one else's highest priority. Not your spouse's. Not your significant other's. Not your child's. Not your parents'. Each person is his/her highest priority.

Although I've decided to put myself, my needs, my wants first, I don't neglect others and I don't mistreat others.

One of my affirmations and a major principle by which I live is that I walk in LOVE, TRUTH, and KINDNESS by the GRACE and FAVOR of GOD.

It's all true, and I'll more about this in time. I'll also go back through some of my previous posts to figure out what other topics I aimed to discuss more in detail.

So yes, I'll write more about this as the urge arises. I don't like to place myself on a schedule for writing, because I like to follow where and when my heart leads.

As an aside, it seems as though each time I start to write with a specific thought in mind, I veer off to something else. Despite this, I'm always pleased with the final product. I always just let my thoughts and my words flow, and they always seem to lead me the destination at which I'm meant to arrive.

Let's Look At Our Actions to See...How Selfish Are We?

I ride the bus to and from work everyday (and its free too!).

The other day, on my way home from work, the bus driver ended up side-swiping a suburban.

I seemed to be the only person that actually noticed the accident, because everyone else was completely oblivious to what had happened.

When the woman sitting next to me looked over and said “I wonder why we’re still sitting here.” I decided to tell the secret.

I stated “We hit that truck” while gesturing to the SUV beside us.

Of course, several others heard this, and starting asking questions. It was true; no one else had heard the “thud.”

In this moment, everyone was still pretty calm, and I wanted things to remain this way.

This was a driver (an older grandfatherly gentleman) that I was accustomed to seeing and one that I had planned on giving a Christmas card to (but never got around to doing so), so I decided to go up and ask him what was going on.

[Note: There are at least 43 other people on this bus who could have done the same thing I was about to do.]

I approached him, and asked for an approximate time regarding what time the next bus would be coming. I also asked him about his holidays, and made small talk, because he never seemed to smile or talk and I was really wondering how he was doing.

Before I could get back to seat, a bold (a.k.a. RUDE) woman asked me what was going on. After I told her, she and progressively the remaining passengers, exited the bus.

As she got off, she complained loudly, and said that she would report him (for getting into an A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T?!).

As we all walked to the next bus stop, which was only about 40 feet or so ahead of the accident site, the woman continued to complain as another young girl joined in.

I interrupted “He was going to let you off the bus, he was just a little nervous about the accident.” This was a mistake, as she retorted “He’s always nervous! People have stuff to do…” and she trailed off into the land of complaint.

Right before I exited the bus, I told the man “I hope you have a great day.” To which he kind of shook his head to signify that the accident had kind of placed a “dent” in that plan. I then corrected my statement by saying “I hope you have as good as a day as you can have considering the circumstances.” He laughed a little, said thanks, and returned the sentiment.

Which person would you have been? Would you have fussed and cussed as if the person had purposely collided with the other vehicle?

How often do we demand what we want when we want it, as if the world really does revolve around us? Although in this specific situation, he did have passengers to consider, he also had his job to consider. He was only trying to get to his stops at the scheduled time.

Before we complain, before we fuss, before we cuss, before we yell, before we cop an attitude, let’s take a second…take a minute…take a moment to consider the other person.

You don’t know what type of hours that person may be working, you have no idea what their circumstances may be, you don’t know what may be going on in their families.

It’s true that they don’t know any of that info about you either, but just be the bigger person. Be the stronger person. Be the considerate person that you would want someone else to be to you.